Dear Mr. DJ,
You are a jerk and everyone knows it and personally I'm tired of it. So why must you be so amazing in bed? telling you to piss off would be no problem with the exception of the fact that now I'm used to amazing 'anything goes fulfill your every fantasy' kind of sex. Do you realize how hard it is for me to find another booty call on such short notice? let alone one that can fill the shoes you just stepped out of. You have single handedly thrust me into a dry spell fully equipped with sexual frustration and lack of orgasms. My libido hates you.

****UPDATE AT 9:37 P.M.*****

Dear Mr. DJ #2,
Why must you be you? why the hell must you call out of the blue for no reason at all, normally i have to pull teeth and call you 10 times to get you to call me back, so why is it that when i decide to tell you to kiss my ass you suddenly call of your own volition without me calling you at all? And why the hell did the sentence "i'm bored, come keep me company" send my overactive and orgasm deprived libido into 'i'm gonna get laid' overdrive? and why the hell cant you just say what you mean? If you are horny and want me to come over and have sex simply say 'i'm horny, come fix it.' or something equally vulgar and degrading that I know your capable of. Dont give me this 'keep me company' bullshit, it's a crappy and cheesy line said only to get me to your house so you can get me into your pants. After almost 3 months havent you figured out that you can bypass the lines and get straight to the point yet?

Dear EA games #2,
I really and truly do hate you. Now that I've shelled out $80 to your company you want to seriously have my game having some weird video problems that I cant figure out? If I hadnt gotten a seriously overdue booty call in the midst of dealing with your crap my computer and your games would have all taken a flying leap off of my balcony.

I need a good orgasm, a bath and some cuddle time... 1 down and 2 to go.