|
Current Archives private ~Contact~ Notes Profile ~Extras~ Cast Quizzes Image |
Ever get that feeling when everything seems to be crumbling around your shoulders and there is nothing you can think of but escaping to some haven that allows you to pause time and put everything else in perspective?
For me that haven is my parents house. I'm still young enough to feel safe and immediately comforted by the mere presence of my mother. I moved away for college at 17 but only 90 miles away, far enough to give me my independence and allow me to spread my wings yet still close enough to run home for cover when the need arises. I just feel like going home puts everything back in perspective for me. I can feel overwhelmed with life and feel like I'm in way over my head and I walk into my parents house and realize whats truly important. When the world falls on my shoulders I go home and lay in the floor with little man and watch him look at me with innocence and complete purity and I realize whats really imortant in life and I almost feel petty for feeling so overwhelmed and wrapped up in myself. How could someone ever be upset when you have something Him as a play pretty? I really did have a point to that whole spill, I'm just being incredibly long winded today. I guess trying to fill in the idle time staring at a computer screen while I try and get the rest of my thoughts in order for the entry that I really intended to write. At least you got to see a pretty baby out of it though right? I guess the point to everything is that I've been feeling incredibly overwhelmed by everything in my life lately. I've got a few classes that are really kicking my ass, I'm having a few issues with Mr. Freeze over our attachments to one another and some major drama issues with ms. barfly that have us not even speaking at the moment. Ms. Barfly thinks that I'm having a relationship with her boyfriend because she busted him sending some playful texts to my phone. I may be guilty of not telling her that he was getting a little too playfull for my liking, but I am most definitely not guilty of having an affair with my cousin/best friend's boyfriend. Why would I make such a bad decision on purpose? I dont make bad decisions intentionally. (I say that like people do make them on purpose) they just kind of happen. Usually as soon as I realize the possible mistakes arising in one of my actions I eliminate the situation from my life entirely. Mr. Freeze is the exception to this rule, I guess he just kind of snuck in under my radar and I was involved before I realized what was happening. We started out as simple aquaintances that talked on the phone once a week or so. Then we slowly began talking a little more as we got to know eachother, every few days when I couldnt sleep or when I'd wake up from one of my many nightmares and he would listen and then make fun of my dream to make me laugh, talking to me until I had calmed down enough to go back to sleep. Suddenly we began spending a little time together here and there until one night he let me come and ride with him for a few hours and we ended up wrestling and having our first kiss before looking at eachother and realizing that we'd gotten to eachother without realizing it. Now we talk every day and I see him almost every one of the 3-4 nights that he works a week. Earlier this week he told me that he was getting uncomfortable by a comment that I'd made a few times without realizing anything. So he gives me this big spill on how we are "just great friends" etc. and then he asks me to come and ride with him at 1:30 in the morning for 3 hours. Holding my hand or playing with my hair the entire time. I wrote that off and called him the next night when I was passing through town and visited with him for about 10 minutes before he told me that he had to get some tickets. 5 minutes later he called to ask me how close I was to home and when I told him I was relatively close to him he asked me to come back and see him for a few more minutes because the other guy wasnt on the stop anymore. So I ride back to him and he asks me to get in and ride with him for another few minutes where he holds my hand and hugs me again. I'm just tired or trying to read between the lines of everything and dealing with the mixed signals. I hear "We're just friends and nothing more, if circumstances were different maybe things would change but they arent different so we are stuck where we are". Okay I can deal with that, and then he wants to cuddle and hold my hand, risk his job by letting me ride for 3 hours at a time and sneaking off behind buildings to meet me jus so we can park our cars next to eachother and talk for 10 minutes. Actions speak louder than words buddy... Wow thats a whole lot of writing for something that could have easily been summed up in a few sentences I'm sure. I guess thats my whole point of the entry, my mind is so clogged up with everything and I'm adding all sorts of fluff instead of focusing on the simple facts and I'm ultimately making my life more complicated than it has to be by over analyzing... Sorry for the long entry, I think its definitely time for bed. |
Nickname: Dunkin Birthday: October 6th Status: Single with booty calls Occupation: Full time english major chickpea981 i-read-you jensanimals juniperhexum liquid-mojo MakingANewMe theswordsman ydwtk theturtle colz randh badsnake lovemyfriend marinka-mp |
