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2 papers due tomorrow afternoon and my motivation to write them is completely non existent. I will be glad when valentines day is over. I'm sure that there hundreds of other jaded lovers out there that are expressing the exact same sentiment. It consistently reminds me of what I dont have that I used to and on some level wish to have again. (I'm going to pretend that I'm not the only one that understood that). At this exact time tonight I was with the ex for our first valentines. We went to a gospel concert in Dallas with my entire family. He held my hand the entire concert, and we fell asleep together in the backseat on the way home. Valentines morning after getting 3 hours of sleep I ran into his room jumping on the bed waking him up to tell him that it was snowing and I drug him outside in his pajamas to play with me. Soon the rest of the family followed and we got into a snowball fight and wrestled in the snow. Soon when we were all thoroughly numb we went inside to eat a huge breakfast and we cuddled up under a blanket by the fire watching movies all day long while the rest of the family went shopping. I miss that. I've been single for a year and realized that I am strong enough to take care of myself without running into any problems. But I am tired of what I have. What is it that I have? so glad you asked... I come home to an empty apartment every night with the exception of my cat (and she ran away yesterday and has yet to be found, so i guess she doesnt count anymore). I have a once a month booty call with Mr. DJ when he comes into town. We barely talk about anything at all and its incredibly rare if I spend more than an hour or so at his house. I have what resembles a relationship with Mr. Freeze along with some extremely complicated circumstances which puts our entire relationship on another level completely based on his terms. I'm tired of the empty apartment with food in my fridge/pantry and nobody to cook for. I'm tired of Mr. DJ and sleeping with him just because its a comfortable habit. I'm tired of having what strongly resembles a relationship with Mr. Freeze that is a dead end and going absolutely nowhere. I'm tired of having something happen and wanting to share it with him, but having to worry about who he's with or wether or not he's working. I'm tired of being at his beck and call without him ever realizing he's doing it. I'm tired of going out of town to spend the night together or go out to a club without looking over our shoulders the entire night. I miss being with the ex. Being completely comfortable with myself and him. I never worried about how stupid I sounded, I never considered wether or not I looked perfect when he came over. I miss being 100% comfortable with someone, having them care to listen to thigs going on in my life, or willing to be a participant in them. I miss falling asleep with someone without having to set the alarm so he can get home in time... And these past 2 weeks I've spent so much time around the ex, talking and flirting again. Playing cards with my feet in his lap like we used to do before we started dating. Him laying across the bed blocking my path so that I'd have to crawl over him to get to a spot to sit. After a year of not talking we are close to being normal again, and all its done is make me wish that I could have it all again. God I hate this holiday... | Backwards ~ Forward

~Stats~ Name: Ann-Marie Nickname: Dunkin Birthday: October 6th Status: Single with booty calls Occupation: Full time english major ~Buddies~ cactustree chickpea981 i-read-you jensanimals juniperhexum liquid-mojo MakingANewMe theswordsman ydwtk theturtle colz randh badsnake lovemyfriend marinka-mp

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